Eight Years & Eight Learnings

Rockharbor Charlotte launched eight years ago today - March 27th, 2016. It was Easter Sunday (the earliest Easter Sunday we've experienced - even this year's March 31st is early!) and we had our first 'official' service after being in Charlotte for eight months. We had somewhat trained our team and had spread the word for our launch. We had 87 people there that first Sunday (and then around 30 the next...). 

As my calendar reminded me that today was our launch anniversary, I was thinking through the years - ups and downs of ministry. I have changed so much since eight years ago, and I think most of it is for the better. One of my joys now after eight years is the realization that a lot of things God has shaped in me can be beneficial for others, thus the following "Eight Learnings" from the past eight years (believe me, there are plenty more). 

 As a disclaimer, if you're reading this and find yourself referred to (obviously not by name), I genuinely am thankful for the way God worked through you before, during, and after the lesson He taught me through our relationship. I have a long way to go in ministry (hopefully) and a long way to go in being more like Christ. 

1. Jesus is the foundation. 

Before we set out to Charlotte, God spoke really clearly to me through an upside down campfire. The premise of the upside down fire is that the foundation needs to be solid for the fire to burn properly. I heard Him say "Jesus is the foundation of the Church. If He is the foundation, it will stand." Which is really similar to what Jesus says to Peter in Matthew 16 - "On this rock I will build my church." Jesus wasn't referring to Peter (though Peter was a pretty amazing dude), but rather to the profession Peter had just made in 16v16 "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." 

If we're not careful, we can make a whole slew of things the 'foundation' of the church. Great programs, epic worship, amazing preaching... or even a great atmosphere with properly dimmed lights, smoke and lasers. At worst, we can make the Lead/Senior/Head Pastor the foundation. Are they a great preacher? A great shepherd? A great leader? 

But at the core of the church is not a sermon, a setlist or a great lobby experience -- but the person of Jesus Christ. We want all of those elements to be excellent, but they're never the foundation. 

2. You're not God. 

A few years ago - actually four, because it was an election year, we had a couple that left the church because my political preferences weren't what they hoped for (I'll leave you to wonder what my preferences were). I was sad because they had been a part of the church for a few years, and I was hopeful that they had grown spiritually to recognize that political preferences shouldn't be the most important factor in a person's Christianity - much less that they would leave a church because we disagreed. Nonetheless, they left. 

I was bummed and felt I had failed them as a pastor. Surely my preaching and leadership and prayer would have shaped them to be more spiritually mature, but it hadn't. A wise friend counselled me then (and numerous times before and after) that I am not God, and it is He alone, working through Holy Spirit, who transforms people. And that transformation is usually more like cultivating a plant and building a house. And it also looks wildly different than what we hope for.

Which is where we should all say "Thank God I am not God!" What kind of god would you be? Not a great one, I'll wager. But it's challenging to release that responsibility and authority to the one who has all authority. 

Whether it's someone in your church, or a child, or a close friend. We're called to be obedient to Christ in how we live, but the work of cultivating Christlikeness in others is always His work. 

This wasn't the first or the last time I'd have to learn the lesson and surrender to God, who is actually God, and not me. 

3. Skip School. 

Shoutout to Mike Moses for this one. Being a pastor is hard with young kids. I mean everything is more challenging with young kids - but specifically around taking time to hang out with them. Sundays are full and Saturdays often find themselves full with parties, games, and other responsibilities like chores... which I love... jk. 

Mike told me that he had his kids skip school whenever he wanted to hang out with them. To the point that the school was worried about his kids attendance, even though their grades were great. To be fair, schools get funds based on attendance, so they have to follow-up with absences. 

Kris and I have adopted that strategy, choosing to have our kids skip school on a Monday or Friday so that we can extend our time with them. Most people get Saturday and Sunday off, but not our family. Even a couple of weeks ago, we went camping as a family (for the first time - it was awesome) and had our kids skip a day of school. We didn't make an excuse - just said they were camping. 

As a caveat, Mike did say 'before High School attendance doesn't matter.' Sorry Mike if I'm throwing you under the bus! So until our kids are in High School (just three years for our oldest!), we're going to take them out of school so we can do 'normal' things that others get to do. 

4. Be a tortoise (most of the time). Some times you gotta be the hare. 

Eugene Peterson has a book that walks through the Psalms of Ascent, and its title is A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. It's a call to steadily pursue God through the highs and lows of life. 

The challenge is that we life in a society that is fast and expects quick results. But the best things in life are never immediate. It's not a call to be lazy, but a call to not rush from one things to next in a hurried state.

The buzz word today is "I'm so busy." Most people, if asked 'How have you been?' will respond with some variant of 'I'm busy.' I'm convinced that is a self-inflicted condition - running around from one task to the next with seldom a moment of pause, or slowness, or unhurriedness (is that a word?). 

One of Jesus's most compelling calls is found in John 10, where he describes himself as the good shepherd, who knows his sheep, and his sheep know his voice. John 10:10 sums up what should be our pursuit - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." I don't want a busy life, I want a full life. And a full life contains moments of slowness, of being intentionally present, even unproductive. 

Yes, there are times we should be the hare. Running rapidly, pursuing with passion, but I think the long-game that I'm living for is a tortoise life, a life that is less busy than it is full. 

5. Discern subtle comments. 

This started off as 'pay attention to subtle comments' but I quickly rephrased it, because if we paid attention to every subtle comment, we'd be contemplating far too many. 

One of the things I've seen, and usually seen after the fact, is that people let you in on what's going on, but it starts with subtlety. We had a leader in the past who made subtle comments here and there, and I looked past them as nothing substantial. Years down the road, I realized that those comments were leading into a much bigger reality that I wish I could have pulled at, like a loose thread on a shirt. Not to unravel it entirely, but to see what bigger issue or concern was lying underneath the subtlety. 

Just recently one of our leaders made a comment and then sort of dismissed it. I realized this was one of those 'subtle comment' moments, so a couple days later I called and asked them about it. Non-judgmentally, but, as Scazzero teaches, with 'curiosity.' There was in fact more to the subtle comment than initially revealed, and I was able to talk with them through it, clarify any misconceptions, and point them towards scripture as it pertained to their question at hand. 

If there is a subtle comment made in your general direction, and you can't shake it. I would urge you to bring it before the Lord (that sounds cliche, but I mean it) and then if He gives you freedom, to bring it back to the person. Approach with curiosity - I legitimately will ask "I'm curious about this statement you made..." and then see if there's anything underneath it. Some of these will need to be dismissed, but in the case where there is something lying underneath it, they will be appreciative of your pursuit, and you'll be better off with a clean conscience. 

6. Leaders serve the Lord of the house. We don't first serve the house of the Lord. 

A pastor mentor, Dori Little, shared this nugget with me when I asked him "What are three things you'd say to a younger pastor?" (the other two were solid, as well, but this blog only has eight learnings) 

It's a fine line to follow, because we want the 'house' to be excellent, healthy, beautiful, and vibrant - all words that God uses in His scriptures to describe His church. But we'll often be tempted to serve the needs and wants of the house and the people therein, to the detriment of serving the Lord of that house - which, as a reminder to point 2, is God, not you, nor your concerned congregant. 

There are times when pastors and leaders in the church need to make hard decisions, say difficult things, and call people to a lifestyle that is counter-intuitive as well as flat-out oppositional to what they're looking for. These aren't ever easy, but if we're to lead the church well, we must keep our eyes focused on God, and then ask Him for wisdom to lead the church, not the other way around. 

7. God wants our obedience, even when it's not clear what obedience will lead to. 

This comes from a beautiful story when we were asking God for confirmation that we would move to Charlotte, NC from southern California, removing our family from a great community of both church and friends alike. 

I was praying for confirmation at San Elijo camp grounds. It's a decent place to pray, as it's near the ocean, and I was able to have a lot of solitude, much of which was out on a surfboard in the Pacific. I was asking God for a clear sign - a burning bush, a clear audible voice, even a dolphin jumping over me with a bottle with a note inside that says "Go to Charlotte." Surprisingly (or rather, not) God didn't speak to me that way. 

As I was surfing alone, a group of five guys were out with me. They were all friends, based on their conversation with each other. I wanted to be alone. One of the five paddled over near me and began talking. My initial response (internally) was "Go away. I'm trying to hear from God." but I was cordial. He kept pestering me (really just being friendly) until he asked why I was there, what I was doing, and I just finally said "OK." And told the random guy what I was asking God for. 

And then, without the sky darkening, or thunder booming, perhaps similar to Moses's description where God spoke to him as 'a friend speaks to a friend' this random stranger said "Sometimes God is calling us to be obedient, to trust Him, even though we don't know what it looks like." I didn't know what Charlotte would look like (the rando didn't know that). I knew God was calling us, and it would be a huge step in obedience. I knew immediately that it was God speaking through this guy - who I really thought could be an 'angel unaware'. It turns out he's a real dude, Mark, and I am thankful for his uninvited friendliness that day on the water by San Elijo. 

8. Develop thick skin, but keep a soft heart. 

This one is particularly if you're called into ministry. There are countless stories (many I'm sure you've experienced, and more you've heard) of people in the church wounding pastors, leaders in the church, etc. As much as we are to be pursuing Jesus personally, and prayerfully considering where we have to repent and continually become more Christlike in every arena of our lives, assaults, attacks, complaints, critiques and downright denigration is coming to come. 

What I've learned through wise counsel is to bring those comments to the people who are close to you who can speak honestly and if necessary, painfully to you. It's happened with other leaders in our church, with close friends in the church, with randoms that aren't really close at all. 

But if we're pastoring, or leading in the church, we're to model our lives and our ministry after the person of Jesus. He was, far more than you or I ever will be, insulted, reviled, persecuted, and downright attacked - in every state of the word - emotionally, physically, psychologically. Yet he turned the other cheek, prayed for his accusers, and like Isaiah writes (53v7), "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." 

If you're going to endure in ministry on any level, you've got to know that trials will come - sometimes in the form of accusations or slander, and while it might be tempting to grow calloused to the point where those words don't affect you at all, we must seek to keep a soft heart. 

These following words might sound manipulative or empty to the people who have hurt my wife and I, but I am genuinely sad, grieved, at times to the point of tears, that the people who have assaulted us in some way (never physical, thankfully, at least not yet) have left the church in the way they did. I still regularly pray for them, want the best for them, and trust that God is working in them. 

If he's able to work in a sinner like me, he's able to work in every single person on the planet.